brief dark cloud
It has always been the rule of the game. Once you expose yourself, you have set yourself up for a possible heartache, disappointment, and all kinds of emotions thereafter.
When this happens, I seem to have been codified to return to my cave and stay in the dark for a while--dark music, dark thoughts. Narcos series'opening song Tuyo by Rodrigo Amarante would play in my mind, and Ely Buendia's Haunted. It is difficult to gather some strength again to pick up your torn pieces so you tend to rely on how others in the dark would express darkness in art forms. Having existed for 10 yrs longer than your mother did makes you think nothing more can hurt you.. but little rejections, the mere idea of you being played around by someone's little finger makes you feel bad again, as if you are a victim. You think you could have spun this around in an instant, with a quick response as if you are not affected, but no.. you chicken out still, and think of the number of days of you staying in your cave unresponsive.
